~
I deserve a chance to speak. Since
timing is not working well for us I have decided to write it.
In my last appointment with you, my second appointment overall, I felt I was being pressured into
changing my medication though I did not want to change anything. I
feel better now than I have in a while. I'm more focused, more
balanced and I feel more able.
During that appointment you suggested
that I begin taking Lithium. A very powerful medication not to be
taken lightly. I understand that I am not a doctor however I am
experienced with mental illness. I've suffered from it since I was
13 years old, been on many different drugs and tried different
therapies. I have been actively trying to lose weight as it effects
my emotional state. I think that prescribing lithium to a woman who
is clearly overweight on the second time seeing her is just not sound
advice.
When I met with you at your hospital
clinic location I wanted to explain to you that I did not feel
comfortable changing my medication again. I had recently become
adjusted to the new medication (Gabapentin) that you prescribed our
first meeting. I feel like this is enough for now. I am no longer
suicidal, I am sleeping better than I have in years. My husband has
noticed a change as well. He says that I have been less grumpy, more
positive, more interactive and we both notice the fibro is more
manageable. I may be willing to try changing my medication at a
later date but this is working for me right now and I want to enjoy
life.
It is important to me that you
understand something. I have a mental illness and I came to you for
help. My emotions are fragile and I am vulnerable. The way you
spoke to me made me very upset. After only two appointments you
suggested that I return to my family doctor. Your tone was mocking
only because I told you that my friends and family agree with me.
They like me the way I am, manic highs and all.
There is a crisis in this region.
People with mental illness can't seem to get the support they need.
One of my closest friends was yelled at by a doctor at the hospital's
clinic. She self mutilates and was in the program there. After
admitting to cutting the psychiatrist asked in a superior tone, as if
addressing a child, “do you think that was an appropriate way to
deal with your emotions?” Within the same appointment she
ridiculed her patient again with “I'm expected to come to
work every day and not cut myself.”
Another person I know had attempted
suicide. She overdosed on pills and then cut her own wrists. Prior
to this she had seen various people at the hospital. She was found
before she died, brought to ICU and when the physical body has healed
enough she was admitted to the psych ward. On day passes she would
cut herself. She brought items back with her to do it again. She
was released too soon, we all knew it. Even she knew it. And she
tried again.
Where is the help for us? Why do
professionals who are supposed to help us do so little? Or do so
much to set us back?
I have had very little success finding
someone to treat my mental illness while still treating me with the
dignity and respect I am due as a person. I hoped that it would be
you. I thought I saw it in you when we first met. I believed you
were above the rest.
If you feel you are unable to do these
things than I will wish you well and thank you for the gabapentin.
Please let me know your decision either way.
~
I dropped it off at his office last night. I wasn't aware that he was even in however I still left it with reception for him to read at his leisure.
This afternoon I received a call from his receptionist saying that the Doctor would really like to speak with me. Not that he would like to book my next appointment; he wants to speak with me.
I guess I got his attention.
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