Days off...

Yesterday was a very busy day starting late since I got to sleep in. I know I didn't go over my calories (currently at 1540 per day) but I know I came close. I didn't have my phone with me when I ate so I didn't get my app updated. So though it wasn't a full day off of this 'diet', it was a day off of recording everything.

I don't think it is any benefit to me to not record my meals and excersize.I think it has been helping me and since I'm losing weight it must be working.

Today I think I have over done myself. I swam hard and fast for 45 minutes today.

I'm so very tired!

Ciao
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My Day Off

I took a day off yesterday.  I have always been an emotional eater and yesterday I wanted the comfort I always find with good food and great flavours.  I thought about how I had lost 8 pounds so far on this journey and I have no desire to stop at that.  I know that one day of culinary debauchery would not gain me back those eight pounds, besides, my husband has already taken those up!  So, I did it.  OH!  That food!  Garlic Bruschetta Bread Pizza, home made goodie squares, popcorn, chocolate, jalapeno meatballs with asiago cheese dip.  And earlier I had a Mama Burger with grille onions!  With root bear! 

I enjoyed my day off, I didn't even record anything in my food diary on myfitnesspal.  Today I had my morning coffee, a bowl of popcorn and an apple (only been up about 5 hours so far).  I'm going to have dinner with my cousin tonight and I'm sure that it will all work out well.

Anyway, I've got a lot of things to do in the next half hour before we leave for family time.

Ciao!

Friday Weigh In

I have found that every time I reach into my cupboard to pull out my scale I start to stress out. I panic a little. What if I didn't lose anything? What if I actually GAINED weight? It would be a very horrible feeling. I start to think that I'm going to end up back at my normal weight again. The weight I have been at for so long. And I'd feel like a failure to myself.
Good thing I faced my fears and stood on that scale again! Confusion set in for 30 seconds before I realized that I had gone down another 3 pounds! Eight pounds in the last 3 weeks!
Sweet.
Reward for hitting 20 pounds lost? Lunch at Mandarin or King's Buffet.
Reward for 30 pounds lost? A new outfit.
Reward for 50 pounds lost? Buffet lunch again!
And WHEN (not if) I hit the 70 pounds lost mark, I'm throwing a party!!!
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Why is it feeling worse?

Over the last two weeks my Fibro/CMP has been getting worse. I haven't been sleeping well, so I thought it might be that. But on the other hand my sleep has only been difficult over the last week, not two.
So, I wonder if there is a correlation between my pain level related to the stress I feel when dieting?
It's a very interesting thought.


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Busy Busy Bee

That's me! I am a bookkeeper and I also prepare taxes for people, so right now it has been a bit busy for me. I haven't been thinking about blogging at all. I'm very tired as well because I haven't been getting enough sleep at night.
I've been so tired that yesterday I completely forgot to weigh in! I realized that I had forgotten about mid day but I had eaten already so I resolved to pull out the scale this morning before breakfast.
Looking down I was very nervous and that turned to confused and shortly after that, stunned disbelief. It said that I had lost 3 pounds. THREE! That means that what I'm doing is working. Granted I do end up miserable on some days and wanting to devour a whole cow on others, but it IS working. I'm doing it!
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Mobile Post Testing - Again

Had some issues with my phone, testing the mobile posting again.
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Nearly Bedtime - tummy grumbling.

I'm up a bit late today since we had some good friends over that hadn't been over in a while.

My stomach is clearly telling me I need a snack. I'm not hungry enough for a meal right now but if I don't eat now I KNOW I'll be up in a few hours with hunger pains.

So, what to have?

Calories consumed so today: 1284
Calories burned by exercise today: 831

That means I have over 1000 calories that are still available, should I choose.

Bedtime snacks used to be so much easier. Eat whatever is closest to me!
Good night.
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Friday Weigh In - Two Weeks

Went swimming yesterday afternoon with my daughter and her friend.  Got my daughter a pass for the rest of the month as well.  I really enjoy swimming with her now that she isn't afraid to swim out in the deep end.  And she's pretty fast when she tries at it. 

This morning I waited until I have had a coffee and my morning "constitutional" (that's what my Dad always calls it) before I did my weigh in.  And what I found was a little better than last week.

TWO POUNDS DOWN!!!

Yay for me!  I'm so excited I might just do something nice for myself today.  I'll let you know what I finally decide on later.

Ciao!

Ok, that was not an inspiring meal!

For dinner tonight I had white rice with a bunch of veggies. Onions, mushrooms, asparagus, red pepper, yellow pepper, spinach and sugar snap peas. I didn't have any meat defrosted so I didn't eat any. Oh, how I longed for something with flavour. At least a better flavour.
So I covered it with Billy Bob's hot sauce. That was better.
For my husband I had made rainbow tortellini stuffed with cheese tossed with olive oil and cheese pesto garlic sauce, onions, mushrooms and shrimp.
Yea, my supper sucked!
As a reward for eating all of it I ate two of my husbands shrimp. So worth it!


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Mobile post testing

I want to know if I can post via my mobile phone.

This is a test.
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Almost two weeks

Tomorrow will be the beginning of my third week on this journey.  I'm anxious to see the results of the scale and to know if I am doing the right thing.

I'm not overwhelmingly miserable any longer.  I had pasta for three days in a row (dinner than breakfasts) so that did a lot to boost morale.  Whole wheat pasta with ground chicken instead of beef.  I went swimming with my daughter the other night before supper.  We had a great time and she might even be getting a pass herself.  When we came home my wonderful and supportive husband had dinner made already.  Which was a blessing since it was 7pm and our daughter had to go to bed soon after. 

I have had many people ask me what diet I am on so I will take the time now to try and explain.  I am not on a specific diet.  It has no name and few strict rules.  I must eat 1200 calories a day and I cannot exceed 1540.  This is based on my current weight and how much I would like to lose per week.  I have removed 99% of red meat from my diet and our freezer is stocked with ground turkey as our ground beef substitute.  I track my meals and exercise with my fitness pal; it seems to be easier to stay on track when I know how much I have consumed already (calories, sodium, carbs, fat).  One coffee a day in the morning and water for the rest of the day.  I will have milk only if I have cereal and I will have juice if I feel like I need the energy badly enough; I would rather eat the fruit than drink the juice. Since I am a carb lover I have most of my carbs in the morning or early afternoon,during supper I take very little carbs and try to avoid carbs in the evening when I snack.  My husband has suggested that protein is a better snack in the evening than carbs.  I'm trying to snack on healthier items like lettuce (I really like green leaf lettuce without any dressing at all), yogurt, cucumbers, broccoli.  I've taken to adding Frank's Red Hot sauce on some of my food for flavour, 0 calories and since I don't add salt to a lot of my food now it's not a worry to me. 

That's really it.  Anyone is welcome to check me out on MyFitnessPal.com and see everything I eat.  If not, here is a sample from the day I went swimming with my daughter.  And yes, I ate a pop tart.  I earned that!  =)

Lunch
Selection - Plain English Muffin, 1 Muffin	130	25	2	6	125	1
Selection - Peanut Butter 25% Less Fat, 1 tbs	80	6	5	2	65	1
Egg - Egg, Hard-Boiled, 1 large	70	0	5	6	65	0
leftover pasta - same as last night, just less of it, 1 plate	250	0	0	0	0	0
Add Food Quick Tools	530	31	12	14	255	2
Dinner
Casa Mendosa - Large Tortilla Wrap, 1 tortilla 64g	190	34	5	5	510	1
Generic - Fast Fry Beef, 100 g	244	0	0	0	0	0
Lettuce - Green leaf, raw, 2 leaf outer	7	1	0	1	13	0
President's Choice - Extra Chunky Mild Salsa, 2 Tbsp	10	2	0	0	85	1
No Name - Medium Cheddar Shredded Cheese (Cdn), 0.165 cup (30 g)	79	0	7	5	158	0
Generic - Steam Brocilli & Cauliflower, 1 cup	25	4	0	1	25	2
leftover pasta - same as last night, just less of it, 0.2 plate	50	0	0	0	0	0
Asda - Sesame Seed, 1 Tablespoon	60	2	6	2	0	0
Add Food Quick Tools	665	43	18	14	791	4
Snacks
Selection - Apple and Cranberry Chewy Granola Bars, 26 g	100	20	2	1	50	9
Kellogg's - Pop Tarts Strawberry Sensation, 1 pastries per bag	200	35	6	2	175	16
Chicken - Breast, meat only, cooked, roasted, 100 g	165	0	4	31	74	0
Add Food Quick Tools	465	55	12	34	299	25
Totals	1,660	129	42	62	1,345	31
Your Daily Goal	2,876	395	95	108	2,500	58
Remaining	1,216	266	53	46	1,155	27
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Sodium	Sugar
	*You've earned 1336 extra calories from exercise today

One Week Done - time to start the blogging!

My husband suggested that I blog about my journey and I thought it might be a good idea.  So, here it goes.

I'm currently 33 years old.  I have a host of medial issues and I am very over weight.  This has always caused some problems with self esteem however as I get older I have become more accustomed to being this way.  I have struggled since I was 17 years old with losing weight and I quite litterally blew up over night.  

I have depression (bi-polar) and anxiety; when I was 17 I was commited to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital for repeated attempted  suicide.  While in there I was started on some pretty serious medication which had the side effect of rapid weight gain.  After being released from that hell I continued on medication and one day I looked at myself and realized I was a lot bigger than a few weeks before.  

I have tried any diet that I could afford, often piggybacking on my friends' diets so that I could benefit from the kowledge and not pay for the service.  I don't eat a lot of junk food (unless I'm menstrating) and I don't drink pop 99% of the time.  I only get it as a treat every once in a while.  I drink pleanty of water every day.  

I have fibromyalgia which I have learned is the cause of my carb dependancy.  I NEED carbs like bread, pasta, rice, crackers.  I have tried more than once to cut out carbs and I don't even want to be around MYSELF when I have done it.  So many people tell me it gets better after the first week; you have to give time for your body to detox.  I say shut up and pass me the buns!

When I started this journey I decided that I would try my hardest until the end of April 2013, even purchased a membership to a local pool for the month.  If I don't see results at the end of April that make me happy, I'm on my way to talk to my doctor about surgery options.

At the end of week one I am miserable.  Absolutely miserable.  And I binged.

I'm told that everyone ends up doing it.  I'm told that I shouldn't worry too much and just keep at it.  One day was not good but I can still meet my goals.  None of this makes me feel any better about it.  Especially since my body didn't take to the junk I put in it and decided to poop it all out before bed.  Quickly.  With some minor burning.  Eww.

Eating healthy to lose weight requires me to:

• consume a MINIMUM of 1200 calories a day

• consume a MAXIMUM of 1540 calories a day

• chose healthy foods with plenty of vegetables and lean meat

The issues I have with this plan are:

• I am often not hungry enough to consume a full 1200 calories a day

• occasionally I am so famished that 1540 calories is not nearly enough (eg. mentration)

• the few vegetables I enjoy are either super high in carbs and not reccomended for me to eat (due to a need to reduce carbs) or they are so low in calories that I can't manage to get up to my 1200 calories!

It is an extremely difficult thing to balance for a person who is used to eating whatever whenever.

So, I plan to continue as I promised myself I would.  My body has until the end of April.  Better have results by then or I'm going to be very unhappy.