I have Manic Depression which is (for those who don't know) characterised by extreme highs and lows. The highs are different for everyone. I guess it's like the person is on an 'upper'. Often the person becomes reckless or a thrill seeker. Manic highs also often cause people to gamble and spend money frivolously. My highs are not like that. I tend to fidget a lot. I talk fast and loud. I'm hyper and bubbly and, well...unique.
Many years ago I was ridiculed for this 'behaviour'. I was told that people didn't want to be my friend because of it. I was just too 'out there' or 'loud'. My parents don't like it at all, it's one of the reasons I can never visit them for more than a few days. They just can't handle how extremely extroverted I am. I feel a bit bad sometimes because when I think something is funny I will sometimes burst out in loud laughter and scare my poor old Grandfather half to death.
My parents love me despite my 'highs' and my Grandfather is the same. I spent a lot of time soul searching when I was younger and finally was able to love that part of me too. I came to the understanding that this part of my personality is part of what makes me so very unique and that if people didn't like it they could kiss my ass! That's right! Pucker up baby because this is me and I like me! No one else matters when it comes to this.
So imagine my shock when my new psychiatrist tells me I'm 'too high' and is suggesting that I start taking lithium. Lithium! Since I'm married and could get pregnant it is, thankfully, not recommended for me. We spent about half an hour talking about this and how I don't think I need to take it down. He wanted me to increase the gabapentin and decrease (and eventually stop) the zoloft. His goal seemed to be to get me on that lithium once I decided to stop trying to have a baby.
I eventually agreed to try an increase in gabapentin and the decrease in zoloft and he sent me off. I had to see him the next day to pick up medication samples for someone who could not pick them up for themselves.
When I got home I was despondent. I asked my husband and one of my closest friends (who had been over for a visit) what they thought. Both of them disagree with the doctor. As I shared my feelings with them, and later with my cousin who joined us, I realized that I had the right to say no. That I had the right to protect that part of me. And I decided to tell the doctor that the next day.
Today came and I've already been to see him. After explaining that I was not comfortable with changing the medication and that my friends and family support me in this he suggested that I no longer see him since my family can treat me. Yes, you read that correctly.
Welcome to Waterloo Region mental health care.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone
No comments:
Post a Comment