Mrs. Grumpy Pants

I feel so grumpy right now. Very down in the dumps. I don't know what to do to bring myself up and out of it. I don't want to deal with life at all right now. I want to curl up under a rock somewhere and shut out everything.

Warm Regards,

Justine Hipson
justinehipson.com

Self discovery is an odd thing

I was just thinking about how I am able to know when I'm having a panic attack and know that I will be fine. Even though I'm so anxious I'm shaking I'm also so certain I'll make it through.


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Old voices

With everything going on in my home life right now there is one constant thing that seems the hardest to fight past. All the voices. I'm not talking psychiatric issue 'voices' I'm talking about the memories. The old ghosts of the past whispering in you ear.
"You are worthless, you cow. You will never amount to anything."
The things that are happening lately are 'sensitive issues' and not for the world wide web. So it's a bit hard for me to be specific. But with yesterdays information still new, the anger subsided, I keep hearing the voices of people telling me it's all my fault. I'm not good enough. I will never be good enough. And I start to believe them.

I feel broken.

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It's been a while

This morning I had to give my DD a spank. We try not to do it at all however there are occasions when I have warned her that the punishment for a certain action would be "a spank on the bum". Things that I want her to remember are important and her realize we are very serious. One rule in our house is no food in the bedrooms. She had a tantrum this morning in which she pushed her bed away from the wall. What did I find there? A half eaten waffle.
I didn't yell at her, I didn't get in her face. I calmly asked her if she remembers what I told her would happen if I found food in her room again. She didn't. So, I reminded her. She screamed and begged me not to. I sat on her bed and asked her to come to me. I was calm and collected and just repeated over and over until she moved her hand and let me give her one swat. And that was it.
She has calmed now and she is doing her routine. She's been told now that she is not allowed to have breakfast on her own any more. She will need to wake me up so that I can monitor her. I plan to do this for about a week and hope for the best.
Mornings in our home are like a box of chocolates...

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Plan of action!

Today I'm trying hard to stick to a plan. Things need to get done and I'm the one to do them. So here it goes.
1. Watch 1 episode of my show. (While I am doing this I am going to be looking through flyers for shopping tomorrow. The reason I chose this first is tummy troubles. I can feel that my IBS is going to give me trouble this morning so I am home bound for at least an hour to let it work itself out.)
2. Go to the bank.
3. Mail package
4. Get milk and coffee. Oh, and supper stuff.
5. Do dishes (this might end up being 1.5 depending on how my IBS is feeling after my show.
6. Attack our bedroom (it's a disaster)

So that's the plan. Supper shouldn't require much since it's wrap night. Make your own. Meat is cooked already too.

Wish me luck!

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Big steps for all of us.

Lots of things going on and not a lot I can go into for the public. But today I let my daughter walk mostly home by herself. It is a scary thing! I worry about her. But I'm in my car and I can see her look both ways before crossing. She talked to her friend for only a moment. Didn't talk to any strangers. Such a big girl now.
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