Spiritual Health

I'm spending some time on my Spiritual health now since my physical health is such a challenge to tackle. (At this point 90% of our food comes from the food bank and friend donations, so I have to eat what I can get) A healthy diet is not really possible right now.

I read a good little snippet on spirituality and health that I thought I would share.

http://familydoctor.org/familydoctor/en/prevention-wellness/emotional-wellbeing/mental-health/spirituality-and-health.html

In an effort to do the things that make me feel whole and better I'm going to be at a farm this afternoon. I've watched a couple extra shows of Jackie Chan Adventures (I LOVE Uncle!) And enjoyed my free coffee. Yes, I said free coffee.

In the Tim Horton's drive through today the guy in front of me threw his coffee cup out the window and to the garbage can. He missed and it fell to the ground beside his car. He saw it and did nothing. So when drove up I parked my car and picked it up, threw it in the garbage along with my garbage. I didn't have to do it. I did it because it felt like the right thing to do. He paid for our coffee. Maybe by me doing what was right it reminded him that it was the right thing. Maybe tomorrow he will get out of his truck and pick up his own garbage. It was a good learning experience for my daughter seeing as she was in the car with me. Showing her that you do things because they are the right things to do and not because you expect something from it, and sometimes karma rewards you.

I'm off now to do more things that make me feel good. Spending time with friends and family.
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An afternoon with an Aspie

At this moment my 8 year old Aspie (who also has ADHD) is snuggling up to me in my room. She has been having a meltdown for the last half hour and has finally come to me for comfort.

She's been a grumpy girl since I picked her up from school. I parked across the street from her school and made her cross it to get to the car. She doesn't want to do it.

We had to make a trip to Walmart for a few things, on the way she constantly whined and complained about the heat. No a/c in the car right now. When we got to the store she started with the typical "I'm hungry" routine. She blames me for her lunch bag being sticky and therefore she was unable to eat her lunch. She wants something cold, something to eat now. The answer is no, she starts to cry and whine and complain about it being to cold.

Eventually I notice a sale on frozen treats and I ask her to help choose. I like to give her the chance to help decide on things like this; treats the whole family will enjoy. She makes her choice and promptly asks me if she can have one in the car on the way home.

Again the answer is no and again she starts with the crying and carrying on. I have become fairly good at just ignoring her and walking on to finish what I need to get done. She has gotten to the point where she realises that I'm going to leave her there if she doesn't follow, so she does. (Just to clarify, I would not leave her there. I have walked away before to where she thinks I am gone when I am really hiding and watching her reaction. But she doesn't know that.)

She asks what she can do to get it and I told her she can start by stopping the crying and grumpy act. It's the same thing every time. She tries for a bit then expects to be rewarded. I told her she would have to eat her lunch. She ate her bagel and expected to get the treat. Again she heard that evil two letter word. No.

The day got worse from there. Eventually she was told there was nothing that she could do to go a treat today. That she could not make up for her poor choices. That's when she began the meltdown. Screaming, crying, hyper ventilating (she does it on purpose often), throwing things, hitting things. If we don't go and engage her one of two things will happen. She will come out of her room and engage us, or she will calm down and ask for snuggles.

Today she came looking to engage us. I got to her before she prodded my DH into frothing at the mouth and asked her if she needed snuggles. She's learning to recognise the need on her own but often she will still need someone to cue her for it.

It's not easy, it takes a lot out of someone. DH takes it harder than I do, I can ignore her better I guess. And I will tell you right now that it puts a big strain on a relationship. And at the end of a day you sometimes want to reach for a glass of whiskey. But there is nothing more rewarding than the love of a child.
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On and off and on and ....

I AM trying. I just can't seem to do it all of the time.

Hubby and I aren't working and barely have enough to pay bills. We go to the food bank once a week because we don't have enough money to buy what we need. We are getting by however we do not have the money to spend on the items _I_ need for eating responsibly. So for the time being eating healthy is eating food.

I haven't given up on the journey though. I went to see a intake counsellor with a local agency this week. I got DH and I on a waiting list for couples therapy. We have found a couple things that we need outside help on how to find the middle ground. We had a good talk one day about some of the issues that we are having and we were able to compromise on. I won't be going into any details on that right now. Not what I consider public interest!

Another thing I was able to get on a wait list for is a VAW (Violence Against Women) counsellor. They are limited and there is a waiting list but I'm on it. The thing that is awesome about it is there is no fee for it and no cap on appointments. It's not a lifetime counsellor but it's an until you are better counsellor. YAY!
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Journey through poverty

Everything happens for a reason. Right now I'm not sure what the reason is however I hold hope that it is a good one.

We are lucky that Ontario Works has provided us with enough money to pay rent and a couple other bills. We are finally able to get new glasses. And I don't have to pay for prescriptions.

I received a call from the organization that had interviewed me last week. I wanted to work for them so very much and it devastated me to hear my rejection. They did tell me that it had nothing to do with me or how I conducted myself during the interview. Someone else was just better.

My sweet daughter told me "but there isn't anyone in the world better than you Mommy". She got a huge hug for that. And chips for bed time snack!

My friends and family are so supportive; I don't think I could do this without them.

My husband was hired to a company for a sales job that he will do because he needs it not because he wants to. Training won't start for a couple weeks yet; he's still looking for something better. He's had two in person and one phone interview with a company he is thrilled to work for. We all have our fingers crossed for him. It would help us a lot and he would do great!

For the time being we will visit our food bank and churches and hope for the best. There is a reason for everything. Everything.
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Off the Wagon

I've been awful with eating healthy lately. Too many carbs and too much late night snacking. I feel bad about it and I haven't been weighing in at all. I'm on my cycle right now and since that alone will make my weight fluctuate I am going to get back on my wagon as soon as I stop bleeding like a stuck pig. In the mean time, pass me that steak!
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