Good Morning

Nearly 10am right now and I'd still rather be sleeping. Working 9 hour days is really rough on my and I know it's going to be a long week. My body wants me up though. Had to pee and that took me about 5 minutes to get it all out! Now I can hear my stomach growling. Oy! Early bedtime for me tonight.


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Daddy's little girl

I love my Dad so much. So when he hurts I hurt. I worry about him and right now I'm crying. He's in so much pain right now, most of the time. He cries in his sleep. The doctor where he lives (rural area) is a twit and says that he's fine and there is nothing wrong with him. Herniated disc is normal then? Degenerative disc? My father lives in pain that I can't begin to imagine.

I feel so helpless and I wish there was something I could do. I just want to scream and yell and hit things. But nothing will make it better.

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Woo Hoo!

I weighed myself today. It's been a while since I had done it. I was very much "off the wagon". But it looks like FIFTEEN POUNDS so far!!!! Yay!!!!

Now, let's keep going.


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Social Media Hiatus.

I've decided not to access FaceBook at all for the next bit. Just using it as an email system for a few people that contact me there. When I go on I end up feeling hurt and I need to leave the hurtful things alone and move on. It's a rough thing to do.

Today the pain in heart is worse than last night. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it is and dissect it so I can heal and move on. It's not really working.


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Hard to write lately

I've found it very difficult to write about my journey lately. Most of what I want and need to write about is stuff that falls under the category of either "the world doesn't need to know" or "it will hurt people I love". So, I'm stuck keeping it inside and trying to find another way.

I feel very rejected and unwanted right now. And it's hard to deal with. It makes me angry. I don't know how to deal with it without making it worse for everyone. And it hurts inside. I can feel the pressure over my heart, I ache there. I think because I want only to be loved and being rejected hurts me deeply.

I'm very glad for my close friends and my family that loves me.

Other than that things have been busy for me. I'm very tired and have decided not to take any assignments like this one again. I don't want to work 9 hour days at a place where I can't leave my desk to go pee or get a coffee from the break room without calling in for back up! I loved working at the Doctor's office. I'd do that again in a heartbeat.

Two year anniversary coming up. Not going to get what I want for it. But I won't just tell him outright what I want, he wouldn't get me that anyway if I told him. I hope he likes what I got for him. I'm sure he will. I bet he might even tear up a bit. We plan to have a little dinner out on Tuesday after work. Just the two of us. It will be nice.


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